On Silent Thoughts

BY: ALICIA LYNCH

Silence can be torture. Those moments when I am completely alone somewhere and all I can hear is the buzzing of whatever electronic device is within range; a refrigerator, a computer, a fan. That and the wandering voice in my mind; my thoughts. I am usually thinking about whatever is most important to me at the moment, or whatever I am most worried or anxious about……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….………..……….(I shake my head) Right! Enough distractions! I have to finish this essay……………..…..…………………………..…..there’s no bailing out…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

My wandering voice will snap back to whatever I am supposed to be thinking about at the moment, whatever I should be doing...………………………………………………………………....………………………

…………………….…………………..back to cleaning!

But it always wanders away again, being drawn back to thoughts I really want to be thinking about; like when I am going to see him again. Whichever him I can’t stop thinking about at the time. Or my mind will go over conversations I have had recently with friends, old and new…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….What did she mean by “Of course you do”?

Or wondering what that new friend thinks of me based on how they talked to me. I know I shouldn’t care what they think, but I’ve found that human beings’ thoughts often gravitate around the subject of other human beings thoughts at some point or another. We naturally want to know how we are perceived.

I don’t always think about what other people think though; I also think about what painting I want to do next, or what costume I want to wear for the next renaissance fair, or if I will be able to finish reading the Game of Thrones books before the next season on HBO starts……………..

………………….I wonder how they are going to continue the story when George R.R. Martin hasn’t even published the next book yet……………………………………………………………….……………………………………

These wandering, random, unfiltered thoughts, no matter what they are about; whether it be people, problems, or material things, they usually come in the almost silent, electric buzz-filled moments of my life……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

My keyboard sounds like a small animal with little shoes scuttling across a hardwood floor. I love the sound of typing. Partially because it means I’m getting work done, and partially because I find it euphonious. I just like sounds in general. Silence drives me crazy, which is ironic because I am a very quiet person. Always have been. But I know I have the power to shatter the silence. To fill the air with beautiful sounds made of conversation, compliments, laughter, sincerity, and truthfulness. I have the power to destroy the tortuous quietude of sadness, loneliness, and callousness. All that is needed to end the silence is for me to open my mouth and release those silent thoughts. But it isn’t that easy. It seems my silent thoughts are screaming to be heard, but my lips just won’t let them out...