You Damn Kids!


I normally get along quite well with older generations. Really, I do. I generally agree with what they have to say about certain topics and can hop on board with them to a certain extent. I’ll even nod my head and throw a few “yeahs” in there when they’re talking about my generation, or the one younger than mine, being the “Worst Generation Ever.” Everyone can have an opinion, and I’m not going to sit there and argue whether being lazy and apathetic is worse than being incredibly racist, which is what “The Greatest Generation” from the 40’s was.

What I cannot stand though, and I frankly have had enough of it, is when people over 45 tell me to get off my phone. If you say this to me, I will immediately lose all interest in our conversation. Look, having your phone out when someone is trying to talk to you can come off as rude. I get that, I’m a (semi-) reasonable person. When I’m talking to someone face to face my phone is not out[1] . Here’s what I can’t fucking stand though:

Old Person “Gee, you sure are always on that phone!”

Me: “Ha. Yeah…”

At this point, Old Person usually goes down two paths.

  1. Tells me how silly and rude it is to be constantly staring at your phone.
  2. Tells everyone in the room how silly and rude it is to be constantly staring at your phone.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Listen, dude. I’m not addicted to my phone. I’m bored. I’m in a room with a bunch of people and during lapses in conversation, or when conversation doesn’t involve me, I’m going to be looking at my phone. Do you know how much more interesting Twitter is than your inane talks of who you saw at breakfast that morning is? You’re a hypocrite too because you probably have a Facebook. Stop acting like you’re immune from technology. But I’m the asshole because I’m younger.

What I hate more than that though is the self-righteous people who lament how “no one knows how to have a conversation anymore.” They will generally go on to cite public settings where people are glued to their phones instead of communicating with the people around them. That person right there, I cannot fucking stand. I’ve seen people post about this on Facebook, usually about trains, parks, and waiting areas. So you’re telling me I should get off my phone and talk to the people while I wait for the dentist. You know what I’m going to do before doing that? Read a goddamn magazine. Because I will tell you one thing, the LAST thing I want to do is have a conversation with someone in public while I’m waiting to go to something I hate. I fucking hate the dentist. If I’m at the dentist, I’m having a bad day. I’m in a miserable mood. So please don’t act like you’re better than me because you want to engage in meaningless small talk.

And here’s the thing. People will attach doing this with younger generations. I got news for you though, everyone does it now. Teenagers, adults, young adults. My mom’s on Facebook more than I am. We’re all on our phones when we’re bored. Iphones and cell phones are running the world. People on social media can lament how sad it is that no one talks anymore. It’s not an addiction, it’s just part of life now. a. And the God-like voice of Morgan Freeman (born in 19 fucking 37) said it right:as “The Shawshank Redemption” once taught us, “you either get busy livin’, or you get busy dyin’."