Dick

BY: JON BERGLIND

There’s a word that’s thrown around a lot and it pisses me off. It should piss all men off. Dick. I’m offended and I’m fucking pissed and a lot more men should be.

I’m not saying for a second that men have it worse off than women. I’m not arguing against feminism. I am a feminist. If you’re offended by my saying so and being a man, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. This is about equality for all humans; it’s not going to work if almost half of them don’t get to be on the right side of the fight. Still with me? Good. Let’s get into this:

Arguments have been made for the abolition of the words “pussy” and “cunt” in reference to anything other than a vagina. I’m totally on board with that. A pussy and a cunt is a vagina, not a person.

Arguments have been made for the abolition of the use of these words altogether. There’s a reason I’m being extra fucking profane right motherfucking goddamn now. It’s to piss off people that use this argument. Hi mom!

If you use these words correctly, you refer to the body part, and you refer to the body part in such a way that doesn’t shame it or the person it belongs to, fucking use the shit out of those words.

You get me so far? Good. Vaginas are vaginas. We all agree that if you see a person refusing to jump from a high place into a pool or refuses to take a shot of some liquid they don’t know a lot about other than its color and its strong smell of hand sanitizer, it’s just that; a person. Not a vagina. However, if you happen to see a vagina, well my friend, that thing there is a vagina, a pussy, a cunt. There’s a distinction between people and vaginas.

This has all been said before, and this is all pretty fucking good common sense. I’m really angry when people don’t have it. So if this is the first you’ve heard of it, you’re welcome. Stop calling people pussies. Especially when you mean wimp.

Even if this were an okay word to use in reference to people, don’t use it on wimps. Vaginas are strong and beautiful and important and don’t reflect the usual intention behind the misuse of the word at all.

Now, here’s where I’m outraged, and where a lot of people are going to not agree. Don’t call people dicks. The fucking wrong use of the word dick refers to very opposite traits than those of the fucking wrong use of the word pussy. “Dicks” are jerks. “Dicks” are rude and selfish and act without thinking about others. But that’s not really fair to the organ.

I’ve talked to many people that refuse to use the word pussy in reference to anything other than an actual pussy, but then they call people dicks. Rude! Fucking hypocritical and horribly bigoted. And they respond “But it’s not as insulting ‘cause it’s not referring to someone as weak.” To which I respond shut you’re stupid fucking mouth; it’s insulting! I’d rather be called weak than mean any fucking day.

People tell me “But men aren’t the butt of the joke.” Yes we are you goddamn turd blossom what is your problem! You call someone a pussy, you put women at the butt end of the joke. You call someone a dick, you put men at the butt of the joke. Make sense? Tell me how it doesn’t. Then I’ll tell you it’s bullshit. Maybe I’ll even have a reason that it’s bullshit. Most likely I’ll just respond “Fuck you” because that’s how the internet works.

People say “But men don’t have it as bad as women, so it doesn’t matter that men are the butt of a joke because they have it coming… or something like that.” My lungs aren’t big enough to let out a sigh sufficiently long enough to express my hate for this argument. Women have it pretty bad. I doubt I’ll ever see a day when women by and large have it better than men. And the reason for that is men for the most part. And the reason men make women’s lives difficult is because society puts stigmas and stereotypes on both sexes. These stigmas and stereotypes are perpetuated by the words pussy and dick being used in the wrong context.

Dick being associated with people that act abrasively and rudely should offend men. Real, level-headed men are capable of kindness, capable of gentleness (gentlemen) and should be totally offended when their body parts are associated with actions and attitudes that do naught but add to the shitty state of the world. People who have dicks are capable of doing good things and not being rude just like people with pussies are capable of courage and assertiveness.

Everyone has an anus. So how about we limit our body-part name calling to asshole?

Mic drop.