The Reviews are in: LIFE is stunningly mediocre


After arriving with some serious hype, and production costs that were expensive as hell, critics around the world have given Life a resounding “meh”.

“It’s not that it sucks,” one critic said. “It’s just that it could have been so much better.”

Perhaps we should have seen this coming, but fair or unfair, Life set the expectations extremely high. Its’ now notorious great previews are being shown to be incredibly misleading.

“I expected a lot of partying, beaches, and good times in general, ya know?” said a person who had just experienced Life. “But there was just so much working and stress. It was just a huge letdown.”

Problems with Life seemed evident from the beginning. For example, the reports that blissful childhood comes to a crashing halt with the introduction of school were true. Not only that, but people in Life are also subjected to dead end jobs and stress at all times.

Critics have numerous issues with Life and the people in it. Take for example a character named Working Man. Working Man has been at the same job doing something he hates for 10 years now. He works 40+ hours a week to support his family who only marginally thank him. His parents are dead. He’s friendless because the people he used to hang out with all have families now too so they moved on.

Even worse, there’s no end in sight for Working Man. All he looks forward to is the two weeks of vacation he gets a year. But even then he has to bring his family. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing except his wife hates him and his kids fight nonstop.

What is really baffling is that Working Man is actually considered a goal in Life. In fact, Broke College Kid spends all his time and effort into trying to become Working Man. In one heartbreaking scene, Broke College Kid stays up all night studying for a test (while on Adderall) only to get a B on the exam. College Kid then goes to his job where he works for 6-plus hours in order to afford food (and more Adderall).

It only gets worse too because Life decided it would be funny to have a power structure called “government” that features an economy that makes no sense and a crew of corporate cronies running the circus. So Broke College Kid spends all their money to go to college, only to find no jobs or opportunities waiting for them on the way out.

Working Man and Broke College Kid are only two examples of victims in Life’s sick games. There are countless characters in Life who are not having a grand old time. Getting into “Emo High School Kid” or “Homeless Person” will only lead the viewer to be sad and confused.

“Everyone’s just after money!” said a particularly disappointed critic. “It left me disgusted to see the things people would do for money. It didn’t even make them happy! It’s bananas, who could live like that?”

The people might even be the least of Life’s problems though. There’s water shortages, food shortages, and a climate shift that could irreparably damage everyone’s existence but everyone just chooses to ignore it.

Its content like that that makes Life sure to be unappealing to many.

“I honestly thought Life would be better,” admitted Life’s director. “But sometimes you just gotta make the best of it.”

“We thought we really had something (with Life),” said Life’s producer. “Everyone had a good time making it. You know what they say though, Life’s a bitch.”

At least hipsters around the world were extremely pleased to see Life flop, as they knew it would be “lame” from the start.

There were just too many faults with Life from the start. Death has been a complaint about Life since the very beginning, but critics find that it almost comes mercifully. Being unable to exist without pain starting in your 50’s is the type of thing that really affects people who know Life.

Still, some are hopeful for Life. One critic reflects “Life. It lets you down again and again but you never give up on it because there is potential. It’s hard to see but it’s there. I believe it.” And there might be the genius of Life's mediocrity. We still bet on that lame horse and it's hard to imagine anything more tragic.