In Memoriam of a Day Long Gone: White

By Dan Hein

Do you remember how much you hurt me?

Do you remember how much pain I told you you caused?

Do you remember how I would tell you to stop making me feel so insignificant, and then how you would hurt me some more?

It’s been a few years. Maybe you sobered up and realized just what exactly you did to me. Maybe you haven’t.

It doesn’t matter to me.

I told myself it would get better. If we just worked hard on it, maybe it would just get better. I was foolish. Stupid. That was just me clinging on to the hope that I wouldn’t lose you.

Well, I lost you. I kicked you out of my life when you pushed me over the edge. And you know what? I’m happy. I’m glad I kicked you out. I should’ve done it sooner. It hurt me to do it at first, but I realize now that getting you out of my life was the best thing that ever happened to me.

But every now and then, I think of the good times we spent together, and I wonder if it’s true. Was it the best thing that happened to me? Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I have no answer.

You’ll probably tell me how much you’ve changed, and that you deserve just one last chance to prove it to you. Let me tell you something. Even if you have changed, it’s too late. Where was that change when I needed it most?

I’ve moved on. Why won’t you?