By Alexa Nelson
This, like so many things, is about a boy that I loved but that didn’t love me. And I thought that maybe if I put what I wanted out into the universe, he would love me like this, law of attraction style. How had we gotten here after a dramatic and difficult breakup and makeup, I finally got the courage to show this to him.
My post had been getting thousands of notes a day, and as a generally unknown blogger, I was excited. I was scrolling Tumblr on my phone and stroking his hair as he laid on my lap. “Wanna see it? It’s about you, kinda,” I downplayed to him. I gave him my phone and watched as he read it, chuckled, and gave my phone back. No comment or anything. As if I had shown him a bad meme.
Yet thousands of people saw my post and actually did feel something, unlike my heartless ex. People I have never met read my words and it resonated with them. I don’t have many followers. I am just an insignificant blip on the radar out of millions of blogs on the site. I didn’t expect anyone to read it, or care.
I had a lot of time to think about the kind of love I thought I wanted, needed. It was what I wanted from him, a love that encompasses me whole, even when I’m hard to love. It was very personal, so it surprised me when it started to catch on. Somehow, it went viral (even to the point that it got stolen and reposted), and now, combined, over 250k people have seen what I’ve written and - liked, shared, reblogged - related to it in some way. I had thought that I was asking for too much. More than a hundred thousand people that I have never met read my words, and disagreed. Though a lot of the comments said things like “I wish” or “I don’t think this kind of love exists,” To my surprise, a lot more would tag others and say, “this is the kind of love you give me.”
So I know that it’s out there, somewhere. I’m not alone in wanting to feel completely, truly loved despite my flaws. I know that I’m not broken, or asking for too much. As much as I hated being reminded of my failed relationship, I am very grateful now that my post has caught on. The pessimistic yet hopeless romantic in me is both ready to find a real love while knowing that the chances are slim. At least now, I don’t feel like it’s impossible.