Cthulhu renounces nomination: Trump “will bring about sufficient suffering"

Cthulhu renounces nomination: Trump “will bring about sufficient suffering"

By Andy Nalewski

Cthulhu, herald of the extinction of the human race and true President-Elect of the United States (http://www.detourzine.com/column/creative/cthulhu-found-to-have-won-presidency-after-massive-recount), has renounced his nomination and intentions of worldwide devastation today, while granting an exclusive interview to Detour about his campaign and the current fate of the planet.

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Cam Newton Breaks Arm While ‘Dabbing on Haters’ after Superbowl Loss

Cam Newton Breaks Arm While ‘Dabbing on Haters’ after Superbowl Loss

By Tim Nazzaro

t’s as if millions of Carolina voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. At Cam Newton’s press conference, moments after his Superbowl loss, disaster struck. Cam Newton stood up at the podium with a snarky demeanor and answered many questions about his pitiful performance during the game.

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Waiting

Waiting

By Alexa Nelson

I sat in the waiting room, the nervous jiggling of my foot sending vibrations up my leg. The wait time was “a jiffy”, as the nurse so cheerfully called it. When I asked her for an actual number, her smile dropped and I could feel the chill from her attitude as her cheer disappeared, apparently put off by the fact that I didn’t go along with her absurd time frame of twenty minutes.

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