Dear "Senior Year" Me

Dear “Senior Year” Me,

You’re probably so cool, living in your own apartment in some city, working as a writer. Maybe a journalist. Definitely not an English teacher like you haves been telling Mom and Dad for the past two years. We’ve lied to our parents before about doing homework, when we were really at our best friend’s house taking our first vodka shot. Not cute. Hopefully you have your own car, which would be so awesome! Not having to ask for rides, going wherever we want, away from everything.

I hope you are more confident than I am now. I make sarcastic comments when I’m nervous. I've cried at night because I was afraid I wasn't good enough. I get caught fidgeting in class, or falling asleep because I stayed up the night before on my computer. I always say hello to everyone I see, because I’m afraid of what would happen if no one said hello to me one day.

I'm not perfect, and I don't pretend to be. I feel ugly when I break out, or when my hair looks like a mess, or when I feel rushed to get ready, but hopefully you’ll be a little more organized with your life by the time you read this.

I've done these things because I’m not perfect, but hopefully you’re better.

We have many secrets that we hide from the world, sometimes going days without eating, mostly when I’m depressed, and angry, and stressed. We fight with Mom and Dad, even when we know that they are right (but sometimes they’re wrong). I'm competitive and argumentative. These are my truths, vices, shames and secrets. I want to be accepted into a good school and move far away from here, but I’m scared these secrets will hold me back from making friends.

I can’t wait to go to college, be in your shoes, but I'll be honest, I’m pretty scared. I’m scared that I won’t be good enough, or that I won’t make it, or that I’ll make mistakes. But I know I’ll do well in college because of all the mistakes I’ve made in the past. Like not studying hard enough, or turning in an “ok” essay, or forgetting about a test. I want to be independent, and learn new things, and meet new people. I think I’ll be alright, just look out for me in the hallways or in your classes; it’s always nice to know a familiar face on your first day of school.


Freshman Me