The Letter I Will Never Send

envelope-2575253_960_720.jpg

The Letter I Will Never Send

Dear Brother,

I truly hope that you are happy where you are right now in life. Thank you for stopping by the other day, although I couldn’t take it too sincerely since you were drunk – like always. I found it a sad kind of funny how you introduced yourself to my husband, like you had never met him, when he and I both know it’s been a handful of times you already have. But again – you were too drunk.

The last time I had a real talk with you and explained how you are never here was a few years ago around Halloween, when you were sporting a black eye and cracked bones you got from totaling your car. I’m sure you don’t remember us talking. You tricked me into driving you back to a bar with your friends rather than home to sleep. I said you’re stupid and I don’t want to keep doing this. You tripped out of my Jeep and didn’t say ‘I love you, sis’ or even ‘thank you.’ That was the night I gave up on you.

Although you don’t realize it, you have taught me a lot as my big brother. You taught me not to lie because it is all you ever do and it’s never got you far. You taught me not to drink in excess from all the stories I’ve heard of flipped cars, accidents, forgettable nights and unkept promises. You taught me not to do drugs because I got to see firsthand how you chose that over our family. The biggest lesson you ever taught me is that no matter how much you love someone, you can’t always be there for them. You taught me that sometimes ‘family’ really is just a word.